He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
