you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
