Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
