i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
