I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Where is the hickey?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
