i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
