I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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