you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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