Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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