Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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