Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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