it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
