I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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