I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
