I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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