Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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