yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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