the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
