i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
