And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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