i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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