what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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