I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
