So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
