Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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