I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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