she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
