You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
