party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Someone signed my nipple.
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