I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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