I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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