Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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