I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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