Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
