I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
