I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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