Why does Corona taste like a burp?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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