.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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