Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
