Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
