What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
