Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
