I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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