my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
