i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
