i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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