And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
