i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hippo gnu deer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
