Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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