textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
