Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
