How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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