Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
