Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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