Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize