so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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