I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
