my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
