why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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