I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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