Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
