i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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