it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
