My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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