i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize