guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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