There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
smell my finger.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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