I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
